Don’t tell me what to do!

Don’t tell me what to do!

I don’t know about you, but I detest being told what to do. It brings out the resistant child within me. Even if it would be helpful or valuable, I’ll find myself instantly put off.

Of course, it certainly depends on how it is delivered, whether it raises the hackles on the back of my neck or not. However, if it was unsolicited advice, my instantaneous reaction is — “No, thank you!”

The guidance, of course, is meant to be for your good. In their opinion, that is. And, these days, it is usually oriented to think positive, be thankful, forgive, and see whatever life has handed you as a gift. This guidance is repeated and spouted by numerous sources as the magic answer to happiness in life. 

Indeed, life can be pretty miserable if we complain, fuss, or whine about our lot in life. We suffer when we do with no apparent way out of it. And, before long, you’ll notice family and friends avoid you. Most folks are considerate and tolerant for a short time but talk about it too often, and you’ll notice no one is listening. No one wants to hang around with a negative person.

The advice, once again, is to step away from those draining, negative people in your life. Hang around them too long, and like a virus, you’ll end up just like them.

So, why would I be bothered by being told what to do?

Good question. I had to sit with that question for a while before the truth of it came forth because initially, it really punched me in the gut or simply pissed me off.

Here’s what is bothersome to me — the platitudes used these days are often said without much thought as to whether they are beneficial or not. Or whether the person, okay, that’s me, is not in a place to hear what you have to say. 

It doesn’t mean I wish to walk around cranky, unthankful, unforgiving, or negative. It just simply means, at that moment, I am not ready to go to the positive side of things. And, to be expected to do so is premature and bypassing the deeper issue at hand.

I can’t tell you how often someone said to me that my cancer was a gift. That there was a life lesson in it for me. 

Who says? Who put you in charge of my life and decided your opinion is valid or useful? Or, for that matter, that I was ready to accept that fact. Maybe I never would be.

I had to be the one who came to that conclusion. I had to be the one to surrender and accept. I had to be the one who finally went to a place of forgiveness, thankfulness, and an awareness of how cancer was indeed a gift. Until I did, no one else’s opinion, guidance, or advice mattered.

Even if the guidance was helpful, practical, or profound.

So, what’s my point in all of this? Simply that no one can tell someone else what to do without permission to do so. And, if given permission, be sure you have no attachment or expectation that the person (okay, that’s me again) will follow it.

I may find it wonderfully useful and incorporate or integrate the guidance. However, in the end, it all comes down to my path in life, my human experience, and the soul contract I came here to “play out” in this human form. 

No matter what you suggest, it may not be in my contract this go around on planet Earth to go that route. 

I do appreciate those who have lovingly supported me through this challenging, and often times painful, journey with cancer. For this, I am eternally grateful even when I get cranky when told what to do!

Do you find it challenging to be told what to do? Do you believe you have to listen, react, or follow what you are told? Especially by a medical professional, family member, or friend?