I got triggered, and it wasn’t pretty!

I got triggered, and it wasn’t pretty!

How often have you gotten triggered? You know, that which touches something that sets you off. It could be something seriously traumatic or small and petty. It doesn’t matter which it was, does it? At that moment, it simply triggered you.

You may not even know what it is that set the bomb off – something ticking behind the scenes unknown to your conscious self. However, when the fuse gets lit, off it goes. Or, better said, off you go!

Many of us are confused or embarrassed by the emotion that erupts, especially volatile anger or rage. It can be pretty disturbing what may come out of our mouths or show up in our behavior, not just to ourselves but for whoever is on the other end of that wrath. 

Whether deserved or not, most of us feel bad after an episode where we’ve lost it. I’ve had plenty of practice with this one. Out of my mouth would come my fury, and after I settled down, I would wonder why I was so upset?

What truly set me off? What was going on behind my outburst?

Most times, once I calmed down, the reason would come clear why it set me off. I only wished I had gotten clear on that first before I reacted. In other words, respond versus react – to think before you act.

Let me share an incident in my life where I got triggered, and my response wasn’t pretty. Where I spoke before I had gained clarity on what was behind my immediate jump to anger; if I had, I might have dealt with it in a more respectful way or, at least, more helpful to the situation.

However, I didn’t do that, which brings me to the story behind my trigger episode.

There I was, sitting in my swivel chair in our garage, enjoying the beautiful sunshine and fresh winter air. Our garage has a nice seating area for just this purpose. It is organized and tidy, and it is a pleasant place to enjoy the weather without being buffeted by the cool winter breezes.

In that nice peaceful moment, I made the mistake of swiveling around and looking at the bed of my husband’s truck parked in the driveway. Fully visible was stuff piled to the roof inside his truck shell. 

My instant thought was, “What is all that stuff?” So, I stood up and peered into the truck bed, and to my horror, it was things he had brought home from customers.

I blinked several times in disbelief. Hadn’t he and I agreed that he would no longer do this? It was, after all, unpaid work to haul away their stuff and took an excessive amount of time and effort to find ways to get rid of it. Plus, much of it would end up in our garage or packed in his truck for weeks.

This tidy-up gal was not happy! Now I was on a mission to confront my husband as my thoughts were swirling with recriminations, accusations, and outrage. How dare he go against what we had agreed!

The result was what you’d expect. We ended up in a heated circular disagreement full of confrontations, excuses, and recriminations. It set us both off and got us nowhere, except his promise not to do this again, which in my state of mind, I didn’t believe.

As I said, it wasn’t pretty.

And, as I stepped away from that dissatisfying conversation, I thought, “Wow, Joan! Now, what did that accomplish?” It certainly didn’t support me in my commitment to live in peace and joy! 

The simple answer is I wasn’t thinking. Clearly, that is. I got triggered, and off and running I went. It was an old pattern for me and a perfect time to ask – What was behind all that rage? 

“What are the feelings behind your belief?” Tosha Silver would ask. Author of Outrageous Openness and teacher of Radical Gratitude. “It’s all about the feelings that erupt behind a firmly held belief.”

So, what were my feelings? It was fear. I was afraid after all the time, effort, and work we’d done to clear out excess, which also included my Mom’s stuff, we’d once again gather excess. We’d end up right back where we started with too much stuff!

The other more profound feeling I had was a deep sadness and grief. It hadn’t been that long ago we had helped my Mom move out of her home of 35+ years into independent living. The clearing out of her stuff, purging, and getting rid of it was a monumental task. 

A year later, she passed away (Oct 2020), and we were again dealing with her apartment full of stuff. Oh, and did I mention? This happened in the middle of my chemotherapy treatments for breast cancer at that same time.

Well, well! No wonder I got so triggered by the stuff in my hubby’s truck. And, of course, it wasn’t about the stuff. That was just the entry point to the emotion and feelings behind it.

Once I understood the real reason behind my explosion of emotions, I went to my hubs and apologized. I explained why it was so traumatic for me, and thankfully, he accepted my apology with one of his own. After that, the energy shifted, and life was once again peaceful and calm.

Oh, and by the way, the most entertaining result happened to the stuff in his truck. He took it to a local Habitat for Humanity donation store, and before he even got inside, a guy wanted all the things in his truck.

Whoosh! Easy peasy, the stuff was gone.

Let me close with a quote that is so pertinent. “When you understand the challenges within, you can overcome the challenges without.” Thick Nhat Hanh

What about you? What beliefs might you wish to look at and ask what is behind them? What feelings surge forth?