Is it time to give up labels?

Is it time to give up labels? 

For years I have labeled myself a control freak and perfectionist. It’s not something for which I am proud. However, it is something that I had come to believe about myself, proven repeatedly by my behavior. 

I don’t believe I was born that way. I came to this world as an innocent infant. But it has been a lifetime of human experiences that have led me to behave as I do. As well as others would perceive me as such. 

Don’t get me wrong. I take responsibility for my behavior. I’m aware that it was often not pretty and frequently backfired on me, with results far from what I had wanted. It also would leave behind a trail of hurt or angry feelings.

I didn’t always understand why what I did would cause such backlash or misunderstandings. It seemed illogical that my desire for the ideal or perfect outcome was not seen that way by others.

It has taken me many years of deep inner work to awaken from this behavior. To realize it is not the truth about me, but instead, it was layers and layers of self-protection. It was the way I learned to survive and take care of myself.

This awareness did make me question what other labels I might have placed upon myself. I wondered how many of them were false, a lie that I have held for a lifetime. Or a label that kept me stuck in place, unable to be anything else. 

Maybe a label was placed upon me simply because of who I am in this world. Not from something I have done. And, without awareness, I would agree to it in some fashion.

Many of us have done this to ourselves and agreed to it without question. There are many examples of this in each of our lives, too many to list here. However, let’s dive into a few that I have observed or experienced myself.

For example, I have noticed how several of my friends have bought into being “old.” I’m uncertain at what age a person goes from young and youthful to old. There seems to be an imaginary line crossed, and now they consider themselves old.

They even describe themselves as decrepit or frail. As if being older or of a certain age is why they have so many aches, pains, ailments, and diseases. Although I do not discount or belittle their conditions, what I do question is their origin.

I realize that ageism does exist in our society – the stereotyping or discrimination against individuals or groups based on their age. This may be casual or systemic. The term was coined in 1969 by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors and patterned on sexism and racism. However, what I question is, at what age does this happen?

And, when did we believe that with aging comes specific ailments and physical impairments? 

Another label that many of us have taken on is about our bodies, as in fat, thin, pretty, homely, sexy, ordinary, too dark, too fair, to name a few. Every culture, family of origin, and society has different definitions for these labels. And within those frameworks, each individual has come up with their definition.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we end up believing the labels and living from them. As if they are true or somehow define us. I have many female family and friends who have struggled to lose weight and be thin because of it. And, for many years, I too felt “less than” or not acceptable when I weighed over 200 lbs. Food became a punishment versus nourishment.

There are numerous ways we end up living the labels put upon us by society, our upbringing, laws, religion, and our culture. What I have come to realize is how most, if not all, are false. They are a human construct; something made up by some human for a  particular purpose, agenda, objective, or function designed to control human behavior.

Are all labels wrong? Do some truly serve a good purpose? Are they meant to harm us or help us?

I believe these are good questions to ponder. I hope this elicits a desire to question any labels you have taken on for yourself. Are they true? Who says so? And, how do those labels keep me stuck and suffering?

I believe it is time for us to shake off those labels, live to our fullest, and love ourselves just as we are – warts and all!