Do you need a release valve?

Do you need a release valve? 

How often have you let things build up inside you; and say nothing? You tell yourself it’s no big deal, not worth saying or doing anything about it, or it feels unimportant.

But is it unimportant?

For us women, although I’ll speak from my own experience, the minor, little annoyances, comments, or flippant remarks can set me off. What may appear to someone else as no big deal feels like a big deal for me. 

At first, I’ll shrug it off and tell myself it’s petty and I need to keep my mouth shut. I’ll hear my Mom’s words loud and clear – “Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill!” Yes, Mom, I grasp how often I make a mountain out of a molehill.  

So, with Mom’s sage guidance in my head, I usually stuff it and hold it inside instead of shaking it off. And the pressure builds.

One slight annoyance or broken promise after the other builds and builds until eventually, it is the size of a mountain inside me. Or, more accurately, a volcano ready to explode. The stress of holding it in takes more and more effort to keep it from erupting into something not so pretty.

I know I’m not alone in this behavior or reaction. We all have some area in our life where we shut up and say nothing even if we feel wronged, mistreated, or misunderstood. We hold it in until it explodes out of us in a way we did not desire.

Wouldn’t it be helpful to have a release valve instead?

This brought to mind the current kitchen appliance we all seem to need, want, or use – the Instapot. I chuckled to myself as I asked – What if we each had a release value like an Instapot? A built-in valve that allows the energy, stress, and emotions to escape on purpose!

With a simple flip of the valve, whoosh, out goes all the steam. And, just like the Instapot, we are in control of that release. There is a setting at which we allow the steam or energy to build to a certain point, and when that time is up, we intentionally and safely release it.

However, the safe and intentional release doesn’t always work as we intended. For example, I have often flipped the Instapot release valve without moving my hand or arm out of the way. Or I’ve forgotten to close the valve to allow pressure to build within the pot. Like in life, the best intentions don’t always turn out.

It’s not about perfection or expecting it to work out every time as planned. Nor is it about everything turning pink and rosy. As if releasing pent-up energy shifts it all to your favor.

It is about noticing that the steam is rising inside of you. It is not stuffing it, pushing it aside, or judging it. Nor is it about harboring guilt over past indiscretions or ways we have handled it. 

Instead, it is finding the most beneficial way for you to recognize that the steam is building and learn to release it before it harms you or explodes detrimentally.

Here’s what I have been practicing. First, I must surrender to the feelings and emotions that arise. I don’t push them away. I invite them in. I welcome them. And then they tend to release naturally. 

There are two settings, after all, on an Instapot. The natural way or quick-release valve. You get to pick. And, as is true for us humans, we are not limited to two methods. There are many available to us. We get to choose which one works best for us in a given situation.

What way have you found to dissipate or release pent-up energy? What release valve works for you? Do you switch it up depending on the circumstance or event?