Do you set yourself up for disappointment?

Do you set yourself up for disappointment?

I had everything ready. The box was a perfect size with a blanket inside. I had planned it all with great expectation and convinced myself that what I wished and asked for would come true. After all, hadn’t I asked Santa for it?

Early Christmas morning, I raced downstairs with great anticipation, no longer able to contain my excitement. I was sure Santa had granted my deepest wish, only to find that he had not given me what I most wanted for Christmas. 

Plenty of packages were under the tree, and my Christmas stocking was overflowing with lots of goodies. Yet, my heart was heavy and sad. What I truly wanted was not there.

I didn’t want more toys, dolls, candy, or underwear. I had only wanted a puppy – A cute, cuddly puppy.

Why had Santa failed me? Did he not know I’d be deeply disappointed?

Of course, I was a young girl then, still believing in Santa, a magical gift-giving and wish-fulfilling wizard. A jolly old soul who made a list of all the children who were naughty and who were nice. Those on the nice list received their most wanted wishes, and those who were not – well, as you know, didn’t get anything but coal in their stocking.

Maybe I was on the naughty list? I searched my mind for all the naughty things I had done throughout the year, and yes, I had been naughty plenty of times. Was I being punished for all those naughty moments?

Yet, before me was a stocking filled with stuff that was certainly not coal. And what about all those gifts under the tree with my name on them? Would I have gotten those if I had been naughty?

It has been many years since that Christmas day of disappointment, along with many other holidays and birthdays, where I did not get what I truly desired and wanted. I no longer believe in Santa, a jolly old soul who granted every wish. I discovered that there was no Santa Claus, and the belief in this magical being was false.

But what if that belief hasn’t vanished? What if I still believe in Santa?

Isn’t it absurd to still believe in this magical being? For an adult to continue to believe in some source who gives us everything we wish and desire. Nonetheless, we continue to hold onto this idea and live as such.

We hold onto this idea or belief when we pray, meditate, write and repeat affirmations, create a vision board, and set goals, to name but a few. Let me assure you; we do nothing wrong with any of these things we do –I find it enjoyable to create a vision board.

However, these behaviors or actions may set us up for disappointment. And not just disappointment but often regret, guilt, shame, blame, condemnation, and possibly anger and sadness. Much as I experienced that Christmas morning years ago.

I know every one of us has done what we thought it would take to receive what we wanted, desired, or needed. We took every step, worked hard, stayed focused, made promises, said affirmations, and prayed for it. Yet, somehow it wasn’t enough.

Ever wonder why that is? What if it is because we approach all of it with predetermined expectations? 

After all, who makes a goal, say affirmations, creates a vision board or prays without an end result in mind? An expectation that the goal, affirmation, vision board, or prayer will give us what we want, desire, or need.

That is, we believe if we do it correctly or in the right way. Or, with tongue-in-cheek, if we are on the nice list.

I’d like to suggest another way – What if we approached everything without expectations or attachment to the result? I know it sounds weird, crazy, and at odds with deep-held beliefs. However, I have found when I approach life in this manner, I suffer less and enjoy life more.

Does that mean you have no desires, wishes, or needs? It does not. However, instead, you hand those over to a higher power. A client of mine calls it the “mysterious unknown!” For many of us, it is God or The Divine. You do this without an attachment. You do not expect what will come forth.

You’ll be amazed at what that mysterious unknown can and does come up with far beyond your limiting beliefs. At the right time and for your highest good, that is! And maybe even a puppy!

Article by Joan Silva published in the monthly Crockett Signal magazine.

December 2022 Issue.